Divorce in Christianity Part 6

Divorce because of sexual reasons

Psychologists say one of the reasons for the success or failure of marriage is the sexual harmony between the man and his wife. When I was asked to write about divorce, it was a must to write about the sexual relationship. That is why I pray to the heavenly Father in Jesus name that his Holy Spirit gives me wisdom to write about this subject according to its holiness which He himself established.

The difference between man and woman

There is a huge difference between the physical making of a man and a woman. What controls the sexual desire for a man is hormone called testosterone. The level of this hormone varies between one man to another. I would like to mention that for some men the level of hormone is low, which can cause sexual disorder. These cases are easy to cure by means of compensating for the low level of this hormone. This hormonal therapy will treat the sexual disorder if the reason was low testosterone level. But if the reason for sexual disorder or disability was emotional, this will require Psychological therapy with fervent prayers.

Because of this hormone, it is easy for the man to have sexual desire and arousal in minutes or even seconds. On the other hand if a woman has been circumcised (by removing the part that is responsible for sexual sensation), in this case the woman will have no response to the foreplay. It is also normal for the circumcised woman not to have any secretion. In this case it is suggested that the woman uses some lubricant. Please seek the advise of your pharmacist as this is common condition including women who also had hysterectomy. So do not be shy to ask your pharmacist.

It is normal for the uncircumcised woman to have sexual desire after the foreplay. This time could vary from few minutes up to thirty minutes depending on her state of emotion.

The emotion of the woman

There are many factors which have effect on the emotion of a woman, they are:

1. The level of love for her husband. If she loves her husband it will be easy to respond to his foreplay.

2. If the woman is concerned about one of her sick children, whether physical or emotional sickness. The man should not expect response from his anxious wife.

3. If the woman is concerned about one of her family members, if one is sick or in trouble.

4. If the woman is physically sick or tired, the man should not expect response from her. After a long day at work, and working at home, and helping the children to do their home work, at the same time the husband is watching his game of sport on TV, it is impossible for the woman to respond to the husband’s sexual need. This is impossible.

The husband has to consider his wife’s physical and emotional condition. The husband has to make his wife feel that she is loved 24 hours 7 days a week.

The wife has to feel that the sexual act is an expression of love from the husband to her. She is not a mere vessel to satisfy the sexual desire of her husband.

Expressing your love is a must

The communication between the husband and wife has to express love. For example, both husband and wife have to exchange sentences that expressed love such as; my darling, my love, thank you for good meal…etc. As I said before if you want to eat mango, you have to plant mango. You will not harvest mango from rocket. If you want your partner to love you, you have to plant love first. In marriage, wife has to also express love to her husband, for the husband is not the only partner that is responsible for expressing love, the wife is also responsible.

The emotion of the man

The man is a visual person; he is affected by what he sees. If he sees his wife beautiful and well dressed, he would want to make love to her. The opposite is true, if his wife does not look after her looks, he may make love to her but without emotion as a mean to relief his tension. I imagine a number of wives that would say this is well and good, it is better for us. But I say to these wives do not push your husband to practice sex in other ways, and in this case you are the looser. Our good God has created the marital relationship to join the husband and wife with a strong bond. Our God established the sexual relationship so both can feel that they are one. In this relationship all  the tension is relived if it is practiced correctly so every partner aims to please the other in this act. The relationship should be allocated specific time absent from the noise of the children.

Allocate time for the marital relationship

You have to allocate time when you spend time together to enjoy each other. My dear sister your cloths have to be an expression of your femininity, also it has to be clean (not smiling garlic or onion). You have to have a shower after you have been in the kitchen and use some perfume. As for the man, please take a shower so you can enjoy each other. It is good idea when you allocate time that you make everyone know that this is a time of your rest; you don’t receive calls or visitors. It is not necessary that this time is only allocated for sexual relationship; you can spend good quality time with each other.

Do not push your husband away from you.

The Arabic wives often push their husband away; this is a mistake specially for the women that have been circumcised as they do not feel any enjoyment from the sexual relationship. In this relationship, the sexual act is painful for the wife. Some wives make their husband feel that they are not interested in sexual relationship, thus the husband falls into many mistakes such as:

1. Browsing the pornographic sites on the net, which many husband do. I want to say that browsing these sites are big sins for Jesus said whoever look at a woman and lust after her, he has committed adultery in his heart. Anyone looks at any of these sites he is adulterous.

2. Do not push your husband into masturbation because in my experience as a counselor any person that masturbates will find it difficult to stop this bad habit except by fasting and prayer.

3.  I also want to say that I have met some men who practice this bad habit to punish their wives by depriving them their rights. This is a big sin for God gave this relationship to both husband and wife to enjoy “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” {1 Co 7:3-4}

Do not push your wife away from you

1. Do not push your wife to go to some pornographic sites to chat with some men or some lesbian. I know of a wife left her husband and went to live with her woman lover. I do not blame the husband in this case. So husband, please try to meet the needs of your wife as much as you can.

2. Do not push your wife to practice masturbation as I said practicing this habit is hard to stop except through fasting and prayer.

3. My dear sister, do not punish your husband by practicing masturbation . See these verses above {1 Co 7:3-4}

Is everything allowed in marriage?

I heard this opinion from numerous Christians that everything is allowed in marriage such as anal and oral sex, leaving the natural use of the woman.” For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.“ {Ro 1:26}

Our God created every member in our body to have one function for a specific use,  not two functions and misuse as some men do. The marital relationship has its own reverence.

Marital relationship has its reverence

Some married people feel uncomfortable in hanging pictures for Jesus Christ or hanging a cross in the bedroom, and I say the following to them: Our  good God is omnipresent and He sees everything we do. Jesus Christ blessed the marital relationship and there is no need to feel that this relation is unclean, for the Bible says “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."{Heb 13:4}

The marital relationship and fasting

I have written four years ago an article about this subject, Saint John Chrysostom  said regarding the following verses “5  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self–control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. “ {1Co 7:5-6}: Unless both husband  and wife agree to abstain from sexual relation for the purpose of fasting, non of them has the right to force the other to abstain from such relationship. You can read this in Nicene group first series volume 12, page 246. You can see what some pastors say is unbiblical and not according to the teaching of the early Fathers of the Church.

Sexual relationship before and after marriage

If someone had sexual relation before marriage, it will reflect on him after marriage. He will face some sexual problem. The solution to this problem is to stand faithfully with themselves and offer sincere repentance from the heart for all the sexual  act they had before marriage. Sex before marriage is a sin and repentance for such sin is a must.

With this article I have concluded the subject of reasons that lead to divorce. I hope that every reader benefit from these articles.