Divorce in Christianity Part 5

Divorce because of emotional causes

Divorce due to emotional causes is because the differences in view points in life matters and that is due the differences in the upbringing of both couples.

The differences in the upbringing

If the husband came from a well to do family and married a girl from underprivileged family this will affect the relationship between the husband and the wife. The wife will feel that she is less than her husband and her in-laws. And if the husband came from a lesser standard than his wife, the problem will be because of the different of point’s of view. If the husband came from a rich family he will not care about saving money because his family has always enough. And if he came from a poorer family he will always worry about money.

What is the solution? 

The solution is very simple and that is: we should trust in our God who cares about all our needs, He cares about every big and little thing in our lives. He is the one supply our needs with all richness. We will not get to this trust unless we read the Bible daily and have a good relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.

The difference in academic level 

One of the hard thing is if one of the married couples comes from an educated background and the other comes from uneducated backgrounds. Dealing with the two families will be difficult. The educated family their way of life will be through their knowledge but the other family their way of life will be through their ignorance. This will create a huge gap in their thinking and the way they solve problems and raise their children. The husband and his family and the wife and her family, each want to raise the children in the way they were raised. This will create a huge problem and that could lead to divorce. Please read my articles under the series of marriage and choosing your partner on the web, the address is at the bottom of this article. But if you are married already then you have to read the Bible every day and apply it in your life so you will learn what is the word of God says about all aspects of life. Even if you have to set your self apart from one of the in-laws, so be it. The main thing is that the young family will live in peace.

The difference in the spiritual level

The difference in spiritual level is on of the biggest problem that faces the Christian family. The way of life will differ from a Christian family to the non-Christian family who does not apply the Bible in their lives. For example if some of the in-laws are worldly their celebration will be full of loud music and wild dance as will as dunkers. This will definitely suit God’s children. God’s children should behave according to the word of God.

The difference of spiritual level will create sever problems which can lead to divorce. The worldly person will see the Christian person as fanatic and not level headed. I know a person asked for a divorce because of his wife was walking with God closely and accused her of insanity, he actually got a divorce. And the big disaster that he was allowed to marry again and I do not know which bishop gave him the permission to marry again. He married and the marriage did not last because the marriage was not built on Biblical bases. The first wife is always in the church and she is very sane.

Who is the wife and who is the husband       

You have to know who is the wife. Is she in Christ Jesus, does she have a good relationship with Jesus or not. Do her family honor the Bible or not? And if they do not honor the Bible what is her stand with them? Will she continue her relationship with them or not? And what goes for the wife it goes for the husband. The Christian husband and wife should separate themselves from their unchristian families “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people." Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you." "I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty."” {2Co 6: 14-18} please read these verses once more so you will know the importance of the spiritual harmony between husband and wife. It is good if you choose your partner well because there is no escape in this marriage. But if you have chosen wrong you have to pray very hard that your partner becomes in Christ Jesus. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. {Jas 5:16}

Painful memory of the past

In everyone’s life there are painful memories, in good marriage every partner should win the trust of the other to be a tool in the healing of the troubled person. They have to win the trust of the other person based on love and support. Every partner should apply this verse “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” {Ga6:2}

The pain and suffering of the other should be kept totally confidential and should never be used to humiliate the other. And I repeat never be used to humiliate the other. 

I will give example

I met a wife and I knew she and her husband have a lot of problems. I met her accidentally. I had  some knowledge of her husband troubled childhood. I thought if she knew some of her husband painful past she will understand how to deal with him and she will stand by him. I told her that she should keep this confidential and I am telling her this so she keeps this in mind and try to help him with love and support. I asked her not to tell that to anyone not even her husband. I told her the reason for giving her this information so she will appreciate his troubled childhood and she can do her best to help him. To my amazement she told her husband every thing I told her to humiliate him with his past. I thought that was very silly. She was very silly because she humiliated her husband instead of helping him. I think the relationship became sour and it happened that I met her somewhere, my conversation with her does not exceed hi and bi.

The important lesson 

We have to learn how to make others comfortable and the most important person is my partner in life, husband or wife. I know many husbands and wives spent many hours in hearing each other to comfort on another from pains happened in the past to understand what goes in the conscious and sub-conscious of their partner, and to know how to overcome this pain. If they did not do this the results would have been to seek the divorce. Try in the love of Jesus to understand the personality of each other.

The difference of personality and how that can lead to divorce

Our good God meant when two people get married that normally one person is attracted to the opposite personality. So the introvert person is attracted to extravert person. I will give you an example to that: my husband and I. We are two different people all the way. Some of the difference are: he is tall and I am short. He is very calm and you can describe me as assertive person, I know exactly what I want. That does not mean he is not intelligence, he is very intelligence other wise he will not be working in what he is doing. His hearing is very sensitive and I am on the deaf side. I am diabetic and his sugar always low. I have high blood pressure and he has low blood pressure. And the list goes on and on.

How can we benefit from these differences 

We can benefit from these different greatly. I can say that Jesus christ have united every two different people so they can benefit from these difference. For example when I am agitated I know that I should let my husband handle the situation and he will handle the issue calmly. If I can not hear any thing clearly I will ask Saad to hear what I can not hear. That took years from us to learn to benefit from our difference, but at the end we learnt to thank God for this difference. A wise man said this to me: because of his wife is a very calm person and she puts up with his hot temper, his marriage would not have lasted that long. And I can say if it was not for our different personality our marriage would not have lasted.

Your conversation should express respect     

We have to avoid any harsh words between husband and wife. If there are harsh words, respect will vanish. If respect disappear, marriage will end up in divorce. If marriage did not end on paper it will end between husband and wife at home.

I have explained how husband should be respected for this is the unconditional  commandment of  the wife “and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” {Eph 5:33} and the wife also should be loved. Read the same chapter,5. Before our marriage our father of confection said the following to us: never use harsh words with each other. You have to pray before you go to bed. Before you sleep kiss each other. Never say this is my money and this is yours. Your money should be in one bank account.

We respected this instruction and there was no place for divorce in our marriage for we appreciate what marriage is all about.  

You have to be honest with each other

You should not lie to each other at all no matter what. I knew a wife she used to send money to her sister in Egypt and she was lying to her husband and denying that she is sending money. When I asked her does your husband know that you send money, she said no, because if he knew he will send money to his family. I said his family need the money more than your sister. You have to tell your husband, but there was no response. In the end the husband knew and it caused a crack in the marriage. The husband thought of divorce many times but the children always convinced him to change his mind. Lying is a horrible sin. Laying breaks marriage.

You have to avoid friends and some family member who create troubles between husband and wife

There are some friends and some family member who enjoy creating a problem between husband and wife. They take great pleasure when they do that. I say to the married couples who have this problem: please cut off this relationship. For no one is more important than your small family, the husband and the wife, and it’s peace. The Bible say that the man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And for the wife, the church commanded her to forget her people and her father house to live with her husband.

My husband and myself went through this problem and we had to chose between some members of our family and our peace and of course we chose our peace. If we did not take this decision I do not know where our marriage would have ended.

Your small family are the most important thing in your life.

Next article we will talk about the sexual relationship between the married couples and how it greatly impacts divorce. I have written about this issue four years ago but this time I will write clearly about this issue.