Divorce in Christianity Part 4

Divorce because of the husband and his friends

I hope you had the chance to read the previous articles addressing the divorce caused by the wife, her family, and her friends. So you do not feel that I am biased towards the wife, but I write these articles with clear Christian conscious.

In this article we will address the role of the husband and his friends in destroying the Christian family. I would like to say that there are a number of husbands who respect the word of the Bible and apply them in their lives. This article is intended for the husband who do not respect the word of the Bible.

The feet, the leg or the neck

When God created Adam he found him lonely “And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." {Ge 2:18}. God did not create Eve from a bone of Adam’s feet, nor his leg, but he created her from one of Adam’s ribs, so she is equal to him and close to his heart so he can love her. God did not create her from one of the neck’s bones so she does not boast over Adam. The Arabic husband should know that his wife is a helper comparable to him, so she is equal to him. That is why the apostle Paul said these verses “ Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.” {1 Cor 11:11-12}. I thinks it is evident that the man should not boast over the wife, but he should treat her with dignity as a human being equal to himself. She is a person that has mind, personality and intelligence.

Why did you marry her?

Through my years of counseling, I have seen many men try to change the personality of their wives into another, personality to suit his own. The amazing thing, when a man consider marrying someone, and a friend advise him that the personality of the girl he has in mind does not suit his personality, the answer will be as follow: “I will shape her up to suit me, I will change her, I will make her the person I want”. The husband started the marriage journey assuming that he can change this girl. Our good God created her in a unique way, and he wants to change this person in a way that suited his personality and thinking. This is the ultimate human oppression. The Arabic husband wants to create a new person to suit his personality, and wow to her if she objected to his inhumane ways. You married her, and she has a definite personality, so you have to think if that suits you or not. If this person does not suit your personality Why did you marry her?

A display of your sense of humor

Some husband display his sense of humor by ridiculing his wife’s mentality. Mocking her decisions and assume that her thinking is incorrect. Although sometimes the decision of the husband is the incorrect one. Dear brother you have to know that your wife is a human being God created her with a sound mind and intelligence exactly like yourself. If she takes your humiliation quietly, that is because she knows the Bible tells her to submit to her husband. If she was not a person that knew the Bible, she would have answered you back. If she does not answer you now, she would in the future after she realize that you have exceeded your limits. You should love you wife. the Bible says “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth” {1 Cor 13}

She is only a vessel

I fear that you are using your wife as a vessel to satisfy your sexual desire. It is true that this is your lawful right that God has given you, but this right should be practiced within the boundary of love. Your wife has to feel that you truly love her. I will write about the sexual relationship in marriage and the boundary of such relationship.

Commandments addressed to the husband

There are commandments that are addressed to the husband. God purposed these commandments to encourage and cultivate the marital relationship. But we have ignored the presence of these commandments because we are influenced by Islam. We follow the Koran not the Bible, our servants teach us Islam and not Christianity. The first of these commandments is given since the beginning of creation.

1- “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”{Ge 2:24}. This commandment was repeated by our Lord Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul. It is clear that this commandment is very important, this why it was mentioned as the first commandment in the Bible. Adam prophetically said when he saw Eve his wife. But we as Christian repeat what the Koran says which is “your mother, then your mother, then your mother”. The Arabic husband give priority to his mother above his wife. This is contrary to the Bible. Please read my article on the net of the series on marriage, the address is shown below. The Christian husband should be one with his wife, but unfortunately many feel that they are one with their family. By doing so they are breaking one of the most important commandment of the Bible. This commandment is unconditional, for it did not say leave your father and mother if your wife is beautiful or any such thing.

2-  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,   that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” {Eph 5:20-33}. Please read these verses carefully so you understand the importance of your love to your wife.

The love of the husband to his wife is as the love of Christ to the church, for He loved her and gave himself for her sake. You have to love your wife absolute love. Again He did not say love your wife if she is submissive to you or if she is good housewife.

3- “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” {1Pe 3:7}. The word dwell here in Greek language means intercourse and it is mentioned only once in this verse. In this verse we learn two lessons: the first is the husband should dwell with his wife in kindness and gentleness. We will speak about the sexual relationship that leads to divorce in another article. The second part is if husband do not deal with their wives as the Bible says, their prayer will not be answered. If you want to know why your prayer is hindered, you have to search your relationship with your wife.

Are you a Christian or a Muslim?

Islam allows husband to beat his wife for many reason but Christianity says “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” {Eph5:28,29} if you are one of those husband who beat their wives, you are unfortunately either because you apply the Islamic teaching and you do not respect the word of God. The Bible says ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. I have not seen in my whole life a person beats himself. If you beat your wife you either a Muslim or an insane. What does the Bible say in this matter ?

Men are known to cheat on their wives that is why wives always doubt their husband behavior. I know a man who was married to a very good woman and everyone thought they are living a love story. Then she discovered that her husband had an affair for seven years. And she waited seven years so he may come to his mind and finally she confronted him and he admitted that he had a relationship with this woman. He continued in his affairs with the woman many years and then he left her and married another woman from another denomination. I say to such man you are adulterous in the eyes of the Coptic church and in the eyes of our just God. The sad thing that his friends, who confess to be Christian are still  in relationship with him. The Bible says “But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner––not even to eat with such a person. For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside God judges. Therefore "put away from yourselves the evil person.” {1Co 5:11-13}from these verses we see that we should not keep company with anyone who in sexually immoral or ….. we should not eat or keep a company with anyone who does such sins. Think with me if anyone who does any of these sins and we do not deal with him like the Bible says, I an assure you that he will think a thousand times before he sins. But we became complacence in our Christian life and we forgot what Bible is saying concerning these things. The result is anyone can sins with no convection from his conscience at all.

Friends are more important than the wife at times

If the husband has very close friends he will at the beginning of his marriage prefer them over his wife. A wife told me this story: it happened in the first years of her marriage that the car of her husband friend broke down and he asked her husband to borrow his car. The wife asked her husband how are you going to go to work. The husband said I will take your car and she asked how I will go to work. He said: take the public transport. She objected to that but her husband insisted on his opinion. And she took the public transport.

In brief dear husbands:

1- God created your wife to be your helping mate. She submits to you but she is equal to you.

2-God created your wife in a unique way, please try to change her. Try to benefit from the differences in your personality.

3- do not display your sense of humor by making fun of your wife in front of other people. You have to love her and love does not behave rudely.

4- your wife is not a mere vessel to accommodate your sexual desire. You have to let her feels that you love her according to the commandment.

5-every husband should know the commandments that God gave him and these are:

A- the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one.

B-the man should love his wife as his body.

C-the husband should deal with his wife in kindness in sexual relationship lest his prayers will be hindered.

6- Husband should follow the Bible and not the Koran when he deals with his wife.

7- sexual immorality is a sin which will take you to hell for sure.

8- your wife is the most important person in your life. If the wife is more important than your family, this will make here more important that your friends.