The abusive husbands in the Arabic marriage (part one)

 

My husband Saad  and some of my friends encouraged me to write on this topic. They pointed out to the problem of husbands beating their wives in the Arabic families, they said this is some thing that should be addressed. I want to mention that my motive is not to create problems in the Arabic family, but my motive is clear which is to say to the abusive husband that this  is not a Christian practice at all. Every one calls himself a Christian should know what the Bible says about this issue. Once more my purpose is restoration not destruction.

It is an ultimate insult that the husband beats the wife that the Lord crated to be his helping mate {Ge 2:18}. The Lord created her to share life with him, for better or worse.

 

The negative effects of abuse on the wife

I will give example of how damaging beating the wife is as follow : suppose you have a beautiful vase and you throw it on the floor, it will definitely break into small pieces and you will not be able to put them together again. This is what exactly will happen to the wife. The wife that suffers from her husband's abuse will always remember that her husband was beating her.  This abuse could lead to sickness and her healing will be difficult for her spirit is broken " The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?" {Pr18:14}

 

The Bible commandment to the husband

The Bible commanded the husband one command only concerning his wife and that is; love your wife as your own body. What this means ( please read 1 Corinthians chapter thirteen to understand what love means). The Bible commanded the wife to submit to her husband in every sense of this word. The wife has to submit to her husband in the Lord and he is responsible for his wrong decisions. If the wife sees that his decision was unfit with the circumstances she has to tell him that her decision is different and if he is not convinced with this then his opinion has to overrule. When the wife submits to her husband their lives will be peaceful. Believe me if we honor the commandment, the author of the commandment will honor us. I say this from my past experience as a married person and as a Christian counselor.

 These articles are addressed to the Arabic husbands because the Arabic wife is forced to submit to her husband because of the following reasons:

 

The effect of the culture on the Christian marriage   

We live in an Islamic culture and the Islamic law says that the wife has to submit totally to her husband even if he asked her to do the impossible and if she does not obey him he has to beat her. I have studied some web sites and the following are some examples:         http://www.answering-islam.de/Main/Authors/Newton/allah.html    

"Righteous women are therefore obedient É And those you fear may be rebellious, admonish; banish them to their couches, and beat them."[62] but when the man fears rebelliousness in his wife, the Koran recommends the use of violence and sexual desertion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWGA8i6scYY&mode=related&search and also form the other website you will hear a sermon (translated to English) that the husband should walk in his home and has a rode over his shoulder to beat his wife (he mentioned that there are three kinds of wives will not behave unless you beat them. The first one is used to be beaten while she was young, the second one who raised not to respect her husband and should be beaten the third kind of wife is she is not happy until she is beaten.) [I do not know what kind of woman is that?] The prophet Mohamed commanded them not beat the face or leave a permanent  mark on the body. But we see Christian husband beat his wife with any thing in his hand and any where on body and sometimes they beat their wives in the streets of Australia. Christian husbands who behave like that are worst that Muslims husbands.

But Christianity tell children, and not adults, to obey their parents in the Lord. This means if their parents told them to do something contrary to the Bible they should not obey them. But in Islam the woman who does not obey her husband totally should be punished. If you can read Arabic read on the following website and you will know more:   http://www.aljazeeratalk.net/forum/showthread.php?t=17599

This is the opinion of Islam in the disobedient  wife but in Christianity it is totally the opposite to that. Christianity believes and command the husband to love his wife as his own body for after the sacrament of marriage the husband and wife become one flesh. I did not see in my whole life and I think readers will agree with me- they did not see someone in his right mind beats himself, I have never seen anything like that.

I do not compare a religion with another religion, I do not compare Islam with Christianity but I say this to the husband who beats his wife; that this behavior is purely Islamic one and not a Christian one. If you confess that you are a Christian then you have to apply the Bible and not the Koran.

 

The stand of the church from the issue of beating the wives  

The church always remind the wife to submit to her husband with no reservation, although our good God calls us to converse with him. It is the right of the wife to discuss with her husband the decision he makes, but if he persist she is to submit to him. Please read Genesis 21, and see how  Sarah dealt with Hagar, and how the matter was displeasing to Abraham  concerning his son. But the Lord said to Abraham " Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice". There has to be a dialog between the husband and wife. Christian marriage should not be domineering one. I asked many church goers if they had heard a sermon that condemn the abuse of the wife and urge the husband to stop beating his wife. The answer was no. I know  of some servants in the church who beat their wives, and the church does not tell them that this behavior is contrary to the teaching of the Bible. Some of these servants are still ministering in the church. Unfortunately some of the pastors find excuses for these abusers, although the Bible is clear and it commands the husbands to love their wives. The church suppose to teach the Bible and not what the Islam teaches. The church and the pastors who know about the abusive husband ought to forbid such husband from participating in the communion.

 

The mother in law endorse the abusive husband:

Many problems between the husband and wife are initiated by the interference of the mother in law in the affair of the married couple, as she reminds the wife to obey her husband even if he asks for the impossible. Sometimes ago a husband asked his wife for a cup of tea in my presence. The wife was resting after a long day in the kitchen, so she said to him I will make you the tea after I rest a little. The mother in law commanded the wife to get up immediately and make the tea for him. This interference shows how the husband should enslave the wife at least in the understanding of the mother in law. If this seen is to be repeated now in my presence I would tell the mother in law to leave them alone and stop interfering. There is a parable among he Egyptians which says "Oh Pharos why did you become aggressive… this is because I was aggressive and no one stopped me". I rarely use people's wisdom in my teaching, but this parable is true, so we must stop the mother or father in law so they do not interfere in the lives of their sons and daughters. They must  know that in the Christian marriage both husband and  wife are equal as they become one  flesh.

 

Interference of the husband's family in the marriage:

The interference of the in-law, and I mean sisters and brothers of the husband. A while ago I heard a sisters of the husband said to the young wife the following: the wife can be changed but the mother can not be changed, so when a wife dies he can marry someone else but when a mother dies he can not get another mother. This poor young wife thought her husband may change her. Let me say this; if that happened now I would say the following: when the wife dies the husband marry again because he misses the companionship of the wife so he marries again. But when the mother dies and he is grown up person he does not need someone to look after him. He may miss her compassion if she was a compassionate person, but a grown up person should be able to live without a mother.

 

Christian marriage and …….marriage 

It is very clear that the Arabic woman gets more than her share of humiliation in the society, the family and the church. There are times when I see the Christian husband acts like the Muslim husband. I see the Christian husband beat his wife without restriction or throw at her any thing because he thinks it is his right to beat his wife.

 

What if the wife does not submit to her husband?

Is it the husband's right to beat the wife if she does not submit to him? Of course not, as the commandment did not say you hate your wife if she does not submit. The word of God commands the husband to love his wife as his own body. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.   So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.   "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh".This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. {Eph 5: 25-33}

These verses confirms that the husband ought to love his wife as his won body.

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