The two shall become one flesh

We mention in the last article this verse to understand how to apply the whole Bible and not to apply one verse and leave the other (Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.  These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual){1Co2:12,13}

In this article we will compare spiritual things with spiritual. How we honor the verse: leaves your father and mother and cleaves to your wife and the two shall become one flesh and the wife to forget her own people and her father house and submits to her husband totally. And does this contradict with the command to honor your father and mother? We will understand how to honor all the Bible in all our ways.

As I said before; there are families who do not have this problem with in-laws, but they are a minority.

We have to study the Bible and apply it in our lives. As well as comparing spiritual things with spiritual things. We should not apply one verse and ignore the other. In this article we will talk about the importance of the relationship between the married couple and the relationship between sons and daughters and their parents.

Although children come from a conception between the father and the mother, the Bible never mention that they are one flesh with their parents. The Bible has established the fact that husband shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and become one flesh from the beginning of the creation in the book of Genesis chapter two . But this principal is rejected in the eastern families, where the mother refused to let go of her son to be with another woman, the wife and after the sacrament of marriage they become one flesh.

We said in the last article that this problem is almost non existence in the western culture and if it exists they will see the mother in-law as an emotionally unbalanced person. I will point out why mother in-law is possessive of her son which is conflicting with the Bible teachings?

Why the mother is possessive of her son?

This problem exists in the eastern culture for these reasons.

1- when the father is absent for the following reasons: death, divorce, or leaving the family for any reasons, may be is having a problem with wife which in many cases is caused by the mother in-law [this is so common in the eastern culture where the mother quarrels with her daughter in-law and be a reason for separation between the husband and his wife ] in many cases the son feels obliged to honor his parents and ignore the principle God’s commandment that says the husband should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

 

2- the eastern man thinks that expressing affection to his wife will make him a less of a man but he give his parent every love and appreciation. This is Islamic teaching as we mention in previous articles the teaching of Islam and how some one asked Mohamed, the prophet of Islam: which one is worthy of my caring and appreciation, Mohammad answered him; your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father.  From this we understand that the place of the wife take a far less place than the mother and the wife becomes just a vessel for the husband to meet his physical needs. He touch her in love if he wants to make love to her, if he does that.  True this is the husband rights but the Bible commands the husband to love his wife as his own body. This behavior is very common in the eastern family because the husband saw the father talking to the mother in a rough way but he talk nicely to grandmother. So the problem repeats itself over and over. Wife will suffer from the emotional neglect of her husband, though the Bible enforces that husband loves his wife in Ephesians. I will put these verses from Ephesians so both the husband and wife learn from them “ submitting to one another in the fear of God.   Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word26  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” {Eph chapter 5}

 In this case of the husband caring and being affectionate with his mother more than his wife, the wife will feel deprived of her husband love, which is her due right by our Lord Jesus christ. At that point her son will be sympathetic with his mother because the father neglect the mother. The son, normally the oldest son, will be the person who will be the one who meets the mother emotional and other needs. He will be the surrogate husband, he will be the one who gives her every love and appreciation to compensate for the lack of the father appreciations by saying “any thing you want mother  ... you are the best…you are the most beloved…and so on” and I do not object to that but we are as Christians we have to meet the needs of others, how much more if they are our parents. And it becomes a problem when the mother does not let go of her son when he gets married. The mother does not want to acknowledge that the wife of her son becomes his first priority, for she is his wife. The bond between the husband and wife is so special and unique where the two become one. Truly one, they became one flesh after marriage and this is what Bible say “And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” {Mt19:4-6} these verses are read in marriage sacrament in our church. They are the foundation of Christian marriage.  The Bible tells us how Abraham departed from his parents and took Sarah with him{Genesis 12} Also Jacob left Isaac and Rebecca, his parent, and worked for fourteen years to marry Rachel. 

The Bible is very clear on honoring our parents, and this means that we should respect them and meet their needs, but the obedience should be to the Bible only.

What I said about the rights of the wife, I also say it about the husband. If a wife puts her family ahead of her husband she is doomed to destroy her relationship with her husband. In the marriage sacrament she heard the following (you have to honor him and revere him and do not disobey him but rather be diligent in obeying him many times over. You have become one with him and he is responsible for you after your parents)[translation are my own from the Arabic prayer book] the wife has to submit to her husband. We discussed this issue in our articles last year.

 

What if the son could not create harmony between the family and his wife and also the daughters could not create harmony between her husband and her family?

The word of God should be the decisive elements in any issue. Every one should know what the Bible says in any issue and that is why in every article I advise the readers to read the Bible every day. The Bible is the manual and foundation of life and this is the command of Jesus Christ to everyone “Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. "He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.” {Joh14:23,24}  A Christian person who does not know the Bible, he does not love the Father  and the Son and he will ignore the guidance of the Holy Spirit and he will be like a feather in a storm.

When some one disagrees with me in anything, I always say; let us see what the Bible say. This will be guide to any discussion. For example if the son see that his mother purposely hurts his wife, then the son has tell his mother that this behavior is not pleasing to him. If she does not respond then he has to take a firmer stand with her. He has to fight for the peace of his family by whatever it takes to the point that her will not see the mother until the mother know the her daughter in-law is dear to her husband. I hear in counseling problems created by the eastern family which makes me wonder when the eastern mentality will change in her attitude towards the daughter in-law. When they will see the daughter in-law as one with her husband for this is the purpose of God for the two shall be one. I wish that parents leave their sons’ and daughters’ live in peace and enough the problems that any couple faces in their life. many of the problem I have seen the only solution was for the husband to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and for the wife to forget her own family and submit to her husband.

 

What if the husband or the wife did not fight for their marriage? 

I advise that the other person seek the help of a person with an official status as, your confession father, spiritual guide or in some difficult cases you can seek the help of a psychologist. They are well trained to solve such problems, plus they will help by advising on whatever the government can help in such problems. As we mentioned in previous article how to get the help of the police if a husband beat his wife. I have seen the problem solved when the oppressed one took a firm stand against his or her oppressor. I have seen the wife could not take the presser of the mother in-law and she after many prayers said to the husband: it is either me or your family and the husband wake to his senses and choose his wife. Please read the true story of last article and how the wife choose to be separated from her husband for he was listening to the advise of his mother and beat his wife.

I wish from all my heart that we can solve these problems with the Bible and prayers, but some times we need someone else.