Harmony
between the in-laws
The
importance of the harmony between the
in-laws of the married couple is the
subject of this final article in our
series about choosing your partner.
This article is as important as all
previous ones, although we neglect it
now and do not give it any
consideration in the countries of
migration in particular. Harmony
between the in laws was one of the
most important considerations in the
past era, not long ago it was given
consideration even more than the will
of God, love, understanding and
harmony between the couple. In
counties of migration it has been
neglected completely and that has
caused many problems between the
couples, which can lead to divorce in
some cases because of the differences
in spiritual, social and academic
levels.
I do not
believe in differentiating between
classes but I speak from the
experience of many years in counseling
and because of my own experience in
life for I am not a young person.
Because
the importance of this subject we will
give it some attention in this
article.
Lack of
harmony between the families in
general will cause many problems
because each family wants the new
family to live their way and not the
other family. One of the major problem
will be in raising up the children
because each partner will try to
influence the child according to the
values and the ways he or she are
accustom to. For each parent will
think that his or her way of
upbringing was the right way. And if
there are spiritual, social and
academic difference we will find that
each parent going in the opposite
direction to the other.
The
grandparents
In
addition the grandparents will try to
influence the way the parents raise up
the children in a way that can vary
from one family to another, regardless
whether the father or the mother of
the child agrees to that influence or
not. In some cases the grandparents
criticize the daughter in-law or the
son in-law for the way they raise
their own children. The grandparent
usually think that they have raised up
their son or daughter better than the
other in-laws, and wow to whoever
disagrees with them, and it does not
matter if their ways agree or disagree
with the ways of our Lord Jesus. In
general the mother in-law is one who
criticizes and attacks the daughter or
the son in-law forgetting that she
lives in their home,(that
is the way it is normally goes in
migrating countries, the parents lives
with their married sons and daughters)
the mother wants to be the ruler in
the house of her son or daughter. If
she is the mother of the husband the
house becomes her son’s and not the
wife’s, and if she is the mother of
the wife the house becomes her
daughter’s and not the house of the
husband.
Frankly
the mother in-law should know that the
home she lives in is the house of the
husband and the wife together and not
her own. The mother in law has to
understand that she is a guest in the
house and she has to give respect to
the daughter or son in-law.
The
role of the culture
It is
the fault of the culture in which the
mother in-law is raised
in, in the
eastern culture she is not given the
chance to be the lady of the house.
The eastern culture teaches that the
wife takes the second, third and
fourth place after the mother. Simply
the mother takes first place and that
applied also to the daughter in laws
because Islam teaches that the mother
takes first and second and third
place. This is not the teaching of our
Lord Jesus Christ, who teaches us the
man should leave his father and mother
and be hoined
to his wife and the two become one
flesh.
There is
a difference between the bond that
binds the husband and the wife, and
the bond in the relationship between
the sons or daughters and their
parents. The bond between husband and
wife should be far stronger than the
bond between the parent and their sons
and daughters. It is normally the
husband has every right in the
marriage but the wife has no right in
this marriage.
Our
age
Now we
live in a different age as we have
access to vast media and information,
contrary to the fifties and the
sixties where the ultimate media was
radio and primitive TV programs. We
have cables channels, which discusses
every kind of topics and subjects and
we have access to many information. We
have the Internet, which is a source
of knowledge at our fingertips, and we
have huge number of books on every
topic in all languages. Mother in-laws
have to understand that what they
accepted in the past from their
in-laws will never be accepted now
from their daughter in-law. I do
encourage the daughter in-law and son
in-law not to accept anything outside
the teaching of the Bible, for the
Bible has all the answers. There a
wrong teaching now in the Coptic
orthodox church which says that the
bible did not answer all question we
face in life and they add some of
their own wisdom to life matters and
they claim it is the teaching of the
early fathers teachings..
I say this to who ever claim this; the
Bible answers everything and whoever
says this he does not know the Bible
and that is a very bad excuse. The
early fathers
teaching was never outside the
teaching of the Bible.
Main
advises
The
following are advices to people who
want to get married, when you choose
your future partner please consider
the following aspects:
1- Identify the most important aspects of
your life, if you are a committed
Christian you must choose a Christian
family. If you are academic person do
not be a part of a family who regards
education as an unnecessary
issues . If
you are an organized person and care
about cleanness do not choose a family
who are disorganized and careless
because at the end of their visit your
home will be trashed.
2- If a girl is married to the older son
who is very favored by his family, you
will face a challenge, which could be
more than you can handle. You could be
in a place where the mother in-law
considers you not a daughter in-law
but rather the woman that snatched her
husband from her and that will end the
marriage very quickly. I would like to
clear this point, the mother who never
received love and appreciation from
her husband, and receives that love
and appreciation from her son will be
very jealous from her daughter in-law.
This is evident in the eastern
societies but not prominent in the
western societies. So if you read this
article and you are a western girl and
thinking of marrying an eastern man;
you have to know all this facts
because if you do not know all these
facts you will be shocked to know that
your mother in-law takes first place
ahead of you.
3-
The person who is getting married has
to understand the financial
responsibilities that will come with
this marriage. The financial burden
that the Egyptian family imposes on
their sons is unbelievable and
sometimes it comes with no
appreciations at all. Sometimes this
demand requires the wife to work and
can be real burden especially when
that burden is a luxury and not a
need.
4- What
are the solutions?
Some may
say no one can avoid all of these
issues. Yes you can avoid a lot of
them by discussing all of these issues
before marriage and even before
engagement; before it becomes too late
and nothing you can do about it. If
you find your future partner giving
excuses and justification to his
parent and not addressing your
concerns, my suggestion to you is to
avoid this marriage for it is better
to stay single than to be in a
marriage crippled by such problems.
A
word for the ministers of the word of
God
I hope
the ministers of the Bible to give the
advise of the Bible only and not of
Islam. When a wife comes to you
complaining of her in-law injustice,
please do not tell her you have to be
patience for they are his family. The
Bible says a man should leave his
father and mother and be joined to his
wife ( I
will not stop taking about this topic
until every one know this truth,
husband, wife, in-law, and the
ministers of the Bible) I hope that
the ministers of the Bible deliver
this truth to the in-law in time of
counseling and their opinion should be
very clear on this issue.
I pray
for the wisdom of our Lord Jesus to be
in your lives so we may live by His
profitable Word.
With
this article we have completed the
series of choosing your partner
according to the Word of God. Next
article we will speak about a topic
concerns many husbands ad wives……
please follow
